Hello to all signs on this wonderful Wednesday. Whether you are a stubborn Leo or a creative Pisces, I am here to give you the astrological low down on your love and sex life. Don’t blame me, blame the stars if you’re in a rough spot, and just remember it’s temporary! Now, let’s get hot and heavy with this week’s sexoscopes!
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’re on edge right now, but who wouldn’t be during this insane year and specifically during this election season. I know sex may be the farthest thing from your mind, but it could help you come back down to Earth and get out of your head. Even imagining intimate scenarios in your head can serve as some sort of meditation practice that will give you good feelings and some zen. You owe it to yourself!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
It’s time for a clean slate, Taurus. You are never afraid to let go and start fresh when something isn’t treating you well. If you are in a boring casual relationship, it’s probably not going to go anywhere. If you’re in a troubled long-term relationship, you will need to reflect on what a “new start” looks like for you. That can mean forgiving your partner and even trying relationship counseling, or even taking a break. Only you know what is best for you, but this is your sign that it’s time for a change.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You may feel distant from your partner or from yourself emotionally. Reconnect by having a long talk about life and the future with you S.O. or journal your own thoughts for a time of self-reflection. Establishing emotional intimacy will always enhance your physical intimacy. Take that time to get in touch, so you’ll have time to *get in* touch. *Wink, wink*
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You are feeling super generous this week, which is always amazing for casual and long-term partners. Just make sure you don’t deny yourself of receiving and actually finishing. Allow yourself to take as much time as you need to feel pleasure, too! Sex is not a race.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
You may need to put your love life on the backburner right now due to a busy week ahead. Don’t ignore your partner or your own needs entirely. Make sure you create a plan to slow down and take some time for love when your major life stressors in work and school are over. You deserve a nice reward for making it through this tough week and month.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Your passion and raw sexual desire is on fire this week and into the weekend! Satisfy those needs however you see fit. Send sexy SnapChats, dirty texts and take a lunch break throughout the day to make it go by quicker until you can get down and dirty after work. Or, start your day with a quick session. This is the perfect start to your month and will give your love life a much needed boost.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You may have gotten complacent with your love life if you’ve been in a long-term relationship. Or, you may have forgotten to treat yourself if you are single! Dust off that sexy lingerie and those sensual candles and light em up for a fun night at home. Have some chocolates and make a cool charcuterie board…the works! In the words of Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford — Treat yo self!
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
It’s your birthday month, which means you deserve to get your cake smacked! (Teehee!) Do not settle for anything less than you deserve, whether you’re casually dating or married. Make sure your needs are met. It’s okay to act like royalty this entire month… and beyond, if we’re being honest. Let yourself be pampered and give yourself many gifts. It’s been a tough year, give yourself some love!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You’re in dire need of stress relief. Sexy time is the perfect way to get rid of gray hairs! (Not literally of course, I wish!) Cuddle up with your partner and go at it as much as you can so you can be energized for any hardship work, family and community commitments that arise. If you don’t have a partner, you have yourself. No one knows you better than you! *Wink, WInk* Masturbating. I am referring to masturbating.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
Well, well, well…Mercury just left retrograde as of yesterday. So, your sex life may still be royally f***** this week as we return to normal. Make sure you communicate your feelings well with your partner(s) and do not apologize for being vocal about your needs. Take some time for yourself. Self-care is everything this week, even if that means chugging cheap Sutter Home wine by yourself.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
I am so sorry because the stars have aligned to give you peak sexual frustration. Don’t worry, this dry spell is very temporary. You will be reinvigorated in your love life so soon. Now may be the time to try a different dating app or slide into that cute person’s DMs.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Hey, Pisces! You are known for your emotions. I am sure you’re aware of that. Even though you have crying tendencies, you are full of dreams and ready for adventure. Take a dive into ways to spice up your sex life. Try something new in your love life, even if it’s just saying a new phrase during the act or imagining roleplay scenarios. You’ll be more than happy that you did.
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