Growing up in a family of six in the early 2000s, one of the only things that truly brought us all together was our love of television, specifically, our love of sitcoms. One of my earliest memories growing up was watching the Thanksgiving football episode of “Friends” with my dad and little sister. We were all sitting on our worn-out couch in the basement of our home, facing the tiny box-set television we had far after they had gone out of style. I remember wishing I was all grown up, living in New York City and celebrating Thanksgiving with a competitive game of football in Central Park. More than anything, though, I wished that I’d someday find a friend like Chandler Bing.
It sounds cheesy, but growing up with severe OCD and anxiety, I often found myself relating to Monica Geller’s antics, and the one person who saw through her was Chandler. His sarcasm, wit and charm had a way of sneaking up on you, and as a kid, I fell in love with him. I’ve watched “Friends” in its entirety 25 times. I finished my 25th rewatch in 2019, just in time for the 25th anniversary of the beloved series. “Friends” was there for me through it all. Snow days, sick days and days when I was just plain lonely. Eventually, I formed such an attachment to the six main characters that they truly did become my friends. For this reason, I never thought about what it would be like to live in a world in which one of them was no longer here. The thought never even crossed my mind. So last month when my little sister read the headline “‘Friends’ Star Matthew Perry Dead At 54 in Apparent Drowning,” I felt gutted. I have always felt a particular connection to celebrities when they play characters who are important to me. Perry’s death hit home for me in more ways than one, reminding me of the passing of “Glee” actress Naya Rivera, who died in a drowning accident in July 2020. Mourning Rivera’s passing was something that not many people in my life understood, and I knew the instant that I heard about Perry’s death that many of those familiar feelings of grief would come back.
Matthew Perry was admired worldwide thanks to his portrayal of the brilliantly sarcastic Chandler Bing, but his legacy goes further than that. Perry lived a life full of hardships due to his ongoing substance abuse issues, and later in life he chose to dedicate much of his time and energy to promoting addiction resources and encouraging other addicts in their journey to sobriety. Perry’s death came as a shock since he had been sober for many years and seemed to be excited about the future.
Matthew Perry was a household name. Nearly every person on this planet has, in some shape or form, come across “Friends.” References are everywhere, the series still plays across multiple channels and streaming platforms and people identify with the characters like no other series around. Escapism through television is something I am very familiar with. The issue with escapism is that lines can very quickly become blurred. I never knew Matthew Perry in real life. My closest interaction with him is through my psychologist who once met the actor at a drug awareness convention. I managed to hold so much love for both his character and him. Many people will invalidate the connection that we have to celebrities because they are strangers, but ultimately, there is nothing wrong with holding space in your heart to mourn someone. It is never wrong to feel sadness over a loss. Death is scary, and it is hard to accept sometimes. It doesn’t matter if it is a complete stranger – having empathy will never be shameful.
Once the initial shock of a loss wears off, grief can look different depending on the relationship with the person who passed. For fans of an actor, this can move rather quickly. After all, most of us only knew Matthew Perry through his portrayal of a character that we all grew to love. What is unique in this case, though, is just how much Matthew Perry bled into Chandler Bing. The creators of the series have said that the actors were their characters. Trying to picture a universe where Perry is missing from the quintessential six is hard.
I have chosen to honor the pieces of Matthew Perry that I was lucky enough to witness as a fan. He was a comedic genius; with impeccable timing and flawless delivery, the actor was always able to turn good writing into a great scene. His love for everyone that he worked with was palpable and contributed to the show’s success.. Perry made six strangers into a family, bringing all of us along for the ride.
The world has been mourning Perry for a month now. The good news is that he will never truly be gone. His legacy lives on today within Chandler Bing. Since his tragic passing, The Matthew Perry Foundation has been created in his honor. The foundation aims to help those struggling with addictionget the help that they need. Seeing the people in his life rally together after such a huge loss is incredibly heartwarming and is an obvious show of his good character and his love.
Everyone who has been saddened by the news of his passing is lucky enough to live in a world where there are ten seasons worth of his charm at the tip of our fingers. It will never be the same as when he was here on earth, getting to do what he loved while making a positive impact on everyone around him, it is a gift. Although Perry has stated that he does not want to be remembered solely for his work on “Friends,” Chandler will always be remembered thanks to him, and that is something that no loss can ever take away.
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