i’m in a situationship, what do I do for valentine’s day? 


photo by wilhelm gunkel on unsplash

Are you in the talking phase? Seeing phase? Sex phase? Exclusive but unofficial phase? 


Well, you’re not alone! 


I started seeing this guy about two weeks ago, and let me tell you, not knowing what to do for the holiday is stressing me out. Do I simply ignore it? Pursue my day like any other, and risk disappointment if I don’t receive a text? Or do I swallow my pride and initiate something?


So, instead of running to your bestie to overthink it, I’m here to give you some pointers! To compile your sisters’ best advice, I’ve chosen the five main ones to suit each of your situation: 


Talking phase: Ignore it! 

Tip 1: When I interviewed my girl to find out how close she was to her boo, let’s just say that they were a little too recent. She wasn’t yet comfortable enough with him or knew him well enough to suspect he had something planned. When you’ve only recently started talking to a guy and haven’t even been on a real date, the best way to get through V-Day is to ignore it! Let’s wait until you two go on a real date before holding yourselves to the standards of what this holiday represents. Take your time, and don’t let this holiday put too much pressure on you. Go at your own pace; this will allow you to lay the best foundation. As a result, as much of a hopeless romantic as you may be, we decided that the best course of action was for you to remain at home and keep communicating by text and phone until you both feel ready to move forward.

In my opinion, that might even be the best V-Day you could have. Staying at home, eating candies in bed and watching a romantic movie will unlikely disappoint you!


Seeing phase: Text him!

Tip 2: As far as I’m concerned, this stage is a little more tricky. Factors to consider include how long you’ve been seeing the guy, how long you were in the talking phase and how well you got to know each other. After speaking with my other situationship pals, we concluded that there may be two options for this phase. If you feel like you two are really hitting it off, feel comfortable with him and want to remain casual; instead of waiting for disappointment, you could always initiate a text. This is the smallest gesture you could possibly do. A simple “Have a good day ;)” or, if you’re feeling brave, “Happy V-Day,” can be effective.  Although that may sound cringe, if on the receiving end, it makes us happy, so why wouldn’t it be the same for them? For the seeing phase, it’s all about understanding our desires and applying them. When we start acting in a manner that mirrors how we would like to be treated, people usually start to pick up on it and reciprocate.


AnnaMaria’s second alternative is “Hey, I’m going with friends, you should come if you want” which is your cue if you want to see them but want to keep things casual. That way, they won’t believe you’re making a big deal out of the holiday; instead, you’re simply looking to spend time with them as usual.


So, ladies, grab your phones!


Sex phase: Have sex!

Tip 3: You have it the easiest, so this should be a no-brainer: have fun! When I interviewed this queen who became friends with benefits with this guy she met on a dating app, I discovered she has been in this situationship for seven months! I thought that it is even longer than some relationships, and this one is not even official. 


To determine the best course of action for her, I tried to get as personal as I could. And let me tell you, the moment she said “he makes me at peace” in any of our “relaxation methods,” I knew she had won. The goal is for you to feel light both physically and mentally! So why should Valentine’s Day disrupt your dynamic? Keep it light! You want to see him, feel him, talk with him? That day should not stop you. Why should you mentally restrain yourself once you feel comfortable enough to let yourself physically go? Ask him to do the best V-day activity. As my girl would put it, it can be as light as a joke: “Since we’re both single, and obviously we will not have anything that day… should we…?” 


Ultimately, that could be the ideal time to spice things up. And believe me, you will not be fishing! That night, you will simply satisfy two lonely bodies. 


So, queens, put on your best lingerie and tell him you’re riding! He won’t say NO!


Unofficial phase: Go on a date!

Tip 4: Haley’s interview was by far the quickest. I could tell she already knew what she wanted and that he had something planned for her. They have been in this unofficial phase for about a month, had known each other for about a year and haven’t taken the next step yet because she’s been doubting if he’ll be a perfect match. She knew she wanted to do something because she is used to nice dates with her boo, but because he lives far away, her options were limited.


As a result, when asked what she could recommend for this holiday to her unofficial girlies, she replied: “Go out and do something, try to talk more and see whether you feel the same way about him. See if you can picture a relationship with this person.” The latter can be used as a test to see whether you two should carry on and take the next step. See how he handles that holiday –– how dedicated or involved he appears to be will reveal a lot about his intentions. We both thought that at that point, after you both expressed how much you like and care for one another, it’s time to determine whether you two are wasting your time, or simply need a little push. 


Tip 5: Ask him!

My final piece of advice is COMMUNICATE. Ladies, we often prefer to circle the pot, leaving hints that we believe are subtle enough for boys to understand what we want. However, if they are unable to detect our cues, we accuse them of failing to anticipate our needs. As a result, they are constantly at fault, how ironic…


Well, to remediate the latter, and save ourselves time, let’s just say it! Yes, you will be thinking, “But hold on, if I ask for it, the gesture won’t come from him.” Does it matter? If now that he knows it will make you happy and does it to make you happy, then girl be happy! On the bright side, he will cater to your needs and get to know you on a deeper level, understanding that you enjoy this kind of attention. If the gesture comes from him in the first place, how is he meant to know he won’t be laughed at since some girls aren’t at all romantic? It’s hard to put yourself out there, even as a man.


The ultimate proof that you two can communicate well enough to make each other happy, regardless of the circumstances, will come from your ability to do so rather than from the belief that men should foresee our wants. 


In any case, what’s the purpose of a situationship? Enjoy each other without being constrained by disagreements or relationship issues, right? So, why should Valentine’s Day be exploited as a catalyst for conflict?


Let’s keep our relationships light and express our needs! In the end, that’s what makes any type of relationship successful. 


I hope these suggestions were helpful, and that your bestie was able to catch a break. 


Bestie, you’re welcome.


Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

And on that note, I’ll text my date.

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